Why are older people and children treated almost the same? It's a mystery to me. I am very close to my 96-year-old grandfather and my two nieces and three nephews so I have had many opportunities to reflect on this.
Children hear, "No", more often than any other word. Their opinions are disregarded as other people make important decisions about their lives: foods, activities, exercise, schools, habits, hobbies. They are protected, to a degree, from their own choices which makes sense. But I can't forget walking with my 5-year-old nephew across a New York street, insisting on holding his hand. He wanted to pull away in the middle and I said, slightly joking, "I'm the ruler of you." And his response was, "So when we get to the other side, I'm FREE." "Yes, then you're free", I answered back. The instinct for individuality seems to be strong from a young age.
My grandfather lives in an assisted living facility. He just moved out of his own apartment two summers ago. He is tremendously smart and aware of what's happening in the world from newspapers and TV. His body continues to become less strong every year. In his early 90s, he helped us build a kit house (A-frame between two sheds) as a family in Maine, hammering windows, climbing ladders, pickling walls. Now his mind is agile but he needs a walker to go places for balance. The natural knee (without the knee replacement) gives out from time to time and sends him tumbling down without notice. His hearing is quite bad these days and he's lost most of the vision in one eye.
So he has successfully navigated through 96 years. People shout at him to be understood except they don't know that shouting makes them harder to hear. Lower pitches (usually men) are easier and higher pitches are harder. It is almost impossible to get anything done on a telephone service call with push 1, 2, 3 technology that disconnects if he doesn't understand fast. People are always telling him what to do and trying to move him along faster. It's immensely frustrating. He knows himself to be completely mentally capable (as do I) but he is treated like a child who needs to be told what to do all the time. Classically, when Grandpa needed a new cushion, they e-mailed my mother who was traveling in Russia to ask if they could get him one. She said and I conveyed, "Ask him!"
He grew up in England, met my grandmother in Germany on her grand tour, and moved to the US. He has lived through many innovations that have changed the planet, TVs, cars, computers and more. He tells me amazing stories about his life, like when he and his sister decided they needed to buy a car (their parents never drove) and drove it home. He and my grandmother moved to Canada with my mother and aunt so he could join the Canadian Air Force because Britain was being bombed and America was not yet in the war. He was a navigator in planes and still has his log from that time. It annoys me to see this extraordinary man treated like a child unable to make his own choices. What will it take for people to understand how unfair this is?
