How to Make Powerful Distinctions and Be Happy

First, identify the activities, environments and relationships that fire you up and those that drain you. What are you passionate about - your work or business, family, friends, hobbies, travel, education, investments, sports, what? Next, examine specifically what is exciting for you and try to figure out why.

For example, I tutor in East Harlem at a middle school and we were talking about career paths. I started asking the kids what they liked and did not like about school. Finding a career that makes you happy, that energizes you, is a matter of making distinctions as simple as "I like doing this," I don't like doing that." Once you have clarity, in the next job, you can choose more of what fires you up until your work is mostly a perfect fit of activities and relationships you enjoy. Conversely, you can decline jobs that don't fit you because you know what aspects of the work are displeasing to you (say, too many meetings, too much number crunching, lack of competitive spirit).

We exist in two environments usually, work and home. Here there are physical distinctions like furniture, space, light and color. There are also people environments to consider - friendly/standoffish, professional/casual, quiet/loud, efficient/sloppy, collaborative/competitive, neat/messy and so on. We might expect (or tolerate) different standards at home than at work. For example, where I work, it is a standard cubicle setup with grey or taupe walls. Since I like color and contrast, my cubicle is decorated with paintings and prints to tease the eye. In addition, my cubicle neighbor had a climbing green plant on his desk and I had the same kind of plant dying at home so I brought mine in and we are creating a jungle. Fun!

When I wanted an intimate relationship, I considered qualities that were essential and others that would be nice but optional. Then I could eliminate immediately those who lacked my "must have" qualities. For me, although I always dated shorter, financially stable, corporate men with long hair, I married a fantastic, tall artist with short hair. My "must haves" were love, a commitment to family and a passion for work and those were "must haves" for him too. I married at 35 a man I could not imagine living without, and who made me laugh. Together almost 19 years, that laughter has been more vital than I ever imagined.

The point, I guess, is to know yourself and go through life simply noticing what pleases and displeases you. If you then use that information you learned as guidance for making all kinds of important decisions, happiness will come easier to you. Try it and see...

When Urgent Hijacks Essential

Have you ever had a day neatly planned out to accomplish your specific and essential goals (work, family time, exercise, leisure, writing or reading, volunteerism, whatever) and you have eagerly begun BUT your phone or Blackberry/iPhone rings or texts you suddenly? EMERGENCY!

...and your perfect day is derailed.

What happened? Your child threw up in the lunchroom and needs to be picked up NOW. There's a leak in your bathroom floor, the tenant downstairs is complaining, the landlord is calling, the super needs to get in NOW. The sewer pipe in your 89-year-old investment duplex in Syracuse burst with the winter cold - call the plumber, call the property manager, reassure the tenant or put them up in a motel, fix it NOW. A diabetic family member is rushed to ICU, blood sugar crashed or soaring, get there NOW. A friend calls crying because they broke up with their boyfriend of four years, reassure them NOW. A colleague contacts you about an urgent project when you have 25 other top-priority projects on your desk already, get theirs done NOW.

Does any of this sound familiar? So what's the point? The issue is not the time it takes to take care of whatever has occurred. Life happens. It's inevitable. The problem is that it shatters our focus and distracts us from the underlying values, goals and dreams that were the foundation for our day's plans.

If you are anything like me, it's disappointing and discouraging to look at my essential to-do list for TODAY and have to move everything to TOMORROW. Tomorrow already has its own essential actions to be taken. Piling on Today's does not help.

What Can Be Done?
Evaluate your own priorities and values beforehand and act with those in mind. Otherwise, you will find yourself ricocheting around like a bb in a tin can to somebody else's urgent needs. Here are your options:

Act NOW
Delegate NOW
Negotiate NOW
Schedule Appointment NOW
Decline NOW

It does not always have to be YOU! But, if ACT NOW to address the emergency aligns with your fundamental values, goals and dreams, reschedule today's essential actions to a different day. Forgive yourself for not finishing everything and move on. Superman and Superwoman only exist in the movies and you are doing exactly what you are meant to do TODAY.